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Time:02:43 pm
Shit.

Shit.



and shit.


I feel like if ever I suddenly disappeared, no one would miss me.
If ever I suddenly died, no one would cry.

I feel like I have no value.



To some people that's ok, but to me, it's important to have value.  So that when i do suddenly disappear, or die, I could just say FUCK YOU.  I mattered to the world. 

tss.  Sounds like i'm just being bitter though.


Shit.

Shit.

And



Shit.



Why you have to be so cruel to me...
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Time:09:18 am
peace.

peace within myself - my heart and soul...

comfort in my own skin, life, and being...

security.

independently stable.

and....

a heart that doesn't hold grudges.



i want to be completely peaceful, and confident.   Just to be completely relaxed being confused with all of life's shitty surprises. 

ohmmmmmmmmm......


happy birthday to meeee!!!! :)
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Time:08:53 pm
o kay lambing ng simoy ng gabi
di mo ba naririnig
mga bulong nila'y nakakabingi
hinahanap ka

nasa'n ka?

panaginip ba
may narinig akong sipol
pabigla akong tumingin
akala ko ikaw

o, alaala...

ngiti mo'y aking nakita
napangiti din ako
lumbay nawalay
sa alaala, sa alaala

hanggang sa muli.
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Subject:some quotes to ease some troubled minds...
Time:10:15 pm
Making the so called "bad" sound so good.  Or at least right.


On Insecurity...
"Insecurity was what would keep you always in your innocence." -- Sally Kirkland

"Each one of us requires the spur of insecurity to force us to do our best." -- Harold W. Dodds

"Break a habit. Do something that makes you feel insecure." -- Piero Ferrucci

On Jealousy...

"He that is not jealous is not inlove."  -- St. Augustine

On Failure...
"Failure is the foundation of success, and the means by which it is achieved."  -- Lao Tzu

On Frustration...
"Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them."  -- Lou Holtz

"People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy."  -- William Faulkner

On Loneliness...
"Your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." -- Dag Hammarskjold

"To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet."  -- Charles Caleb Colton



So go be insecure! Go be jealous! Go on and fail!  Go be frustrated!  Go be lonely!...

"It is not our pains that define us, rather the days after them."


The last one's from me.  Bottom line, it's normal to feel like shit.  

(Oh, crap.)
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Time:08:49 pm
"You should know  (you should know)
What it's like  (what it's like)
When it hurts  (when it hurts)
'Cause it feels so right..."


Forgive me... but i really really like this song.  it makes me *kilig* smile.

Ok, so i'm not sorry then. :)

haha,let's go paris, good luck in jail.
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Time:05:50 pm
i'm feeling something different....
couldn't quite put a finger on it...
surprisingly...
everything's calm.

hmm.
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Subject:yeyeyeyey!
Time:08:53 am
My first open water dive in Anilao.  (click na lang para lumaki)



My only picture in the water in actual gear.   Hmm, medyo malayo....... let's zoom in a bit.  "Hi!":)            



My buddy Deane.  (Thanks sa pictures!) ...And that's Gail (Deane's cousin), Deane, our instructor, Jojo, at the back, and me.


Uuh, yan lang e.  No one had an underwater camera with them.  Next time. :)

Can't wait to dive again.  Can't wait to have my own equipment.  Can't wait to dive again.  and again, and again.... 

Can't wait to afford it.


hohum.
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Time:06:44 pm
Current Mood:you think?
minsan naisip ko
sana gago na lang ako
baka mas madaling
yumaman
umasenso
makalimot
malasing
mangalay
at
hindi masaktan
sana gago na lang ako
para hindi ako gaguhin
para ako yung manggagago.


Exactly one month til I turn 26.  26!!!  Who would've known.  When I turn 26, I want to shut people up.  hehe;p

or punch someone who pissed me off.

or be really rude and heartless to somone who pissed me off.

ugh.

so pathetically cinematic. 

so dumb. 



in a bit of a foul mood.  have my period.  sudden gloom lures over my field work prospects.  my plans. my future.  all in my head, of course.  duh.  i hate periods.  i hate having emotional episodes sprouting about in my otherwise peaceful existence!!!  enough, Lord!  i've been good?? help.



...just another manic monday....always gets me down.
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Subject:Picture post for the birthday girl!
Time:01:06 am
Weeeeyooooooo!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RICHELLE ANN V. VIBAL. :)  (richelle ann v vibaaal, richelle ann v vibaaaal...hihihi!)

i just had to post these.....

          
 ...the chin down pose that I still make you do to make me laugh.. :D   CLASSIC.



....the little boy in China (with the longest buntot!)......:D


AND.......










"aaaah... this is the life."
.... Pink fluff.:) :) :)   When life was just so simple and free. :)  Still is, little poop.  it still is. :)  Ang ganda ng tingin mo sa langit niyan.. May nakita ka sigurong cherubims. ;-)  


Happy birthday, bftte!!!  I hope that there will be no more birthdays we will celebrate apart!  blegh.  para naman masaya!  tsk. 

K,   i wish you good health, a peaceful heart, a brillant career, and....... an organized self. hihi! 

OH, AND THE SLIM, FIT FIGURE YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF!! ;-)


Happy birthday!!!!  I love you!



PS
Check your Flickr if you haven't yet.  :) :) :)
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Subject:My room and my growing hair.... (journal ko 'to e)
Time:08:19 pm
After my summer clean-up........

        
This side of the bed is WAY neater now. :)     .....PWEDE!!!


             
And I finally let go of my 18year old stallion.                             ....it's neater than it looks, but hey, it's a breathing room.


On to my visible black roots!.....

(WARNING:  PICTURE NG SARILI)



Roots!!  But at least my hair length has grown a bit already!  Yup, that's me waiting for Sophie. haha!  final pose: YEEEEEEEEZ!!!! Hihihihi!  Happy May 1st! ;p  PS.  THAT'S LOLA's SHIRT!!!:D  vintage yan, vintage.


And after ukay-ing with Sophie....  (aba bumili ako!)
         
    Photo by Tibuy.
My first skinny pants!! hihihi!=D  and a purple shirt with an aqua dog.  Both fit well kaya ko binili.  P33.33333 yung pants, yung shirt P100.  (Pants was under the 3 for 100 kasi)

And on to my ONLY photo in a wet suit.  (May tatlo pa pero wala pa kong kopya.)

    In Scuba World, Wilson.  Anilao pictures still with Deanne.
Mukha akong lasing na manas.  (may di pa naliligo...)


But that's it for now, cyber world.....  shalom.
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Subject:Another song post...
Time:03:59 pm
I  remember being seven, sitting on my mom's dressing table and listening to frank sinatra's album.  It was on since my mom and dad's theme song was "Strangers in the Night" so the cassette tape was just plugged in.  I then thought to myself  "hmm, shux, dapat may theme song din ako! "  Frank's rendition of Moon River was up.  And after listening to that one, I immediately said that THAT would be my theme song.  I don't know why, i don't even think I understood the lyrics or what it stood for back then.  I just liked the song.  I was seven, but appreciated it.  It had this conflicted mood of a romantic song.  It was sad. and sawi.  Just the way I like them. :) (haha, seven pa lang, yun na tipo).   And so 18years have gone, and i still SO love that song.  Fell in love with it over again after watching "Breakfast At Tiffany's."  


"Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end
waitin' round the bend
My huckleberry friend,
moon river and me."



Yeah... Quite fitting, I think. 



Picking this song when I was seven must mean something.

I'm too much of a drifter to be typically square.
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Subject:What's your favorite line/s from a love song?
Time:08:02 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] geeky
My favorite Disney movie of its batch.
love the soundtrack.

"What would I give to live where you are?
What would I pay to stay here beside you?
What would I do to see you, smiling at me?
Where would I walk?
Where would I run?
If we could stay all day in the sun
Just you and me
and I could be, part of your world.."



Good bejeeez!!!!!!
  So many questions, but that is probably the sweetest stanza in the history of  why-can't-I-have-you love songs in the world!    And you wonder why this one just had to have a happy ending.

cos i'd die if after singing that Ariel just turns in to foam.  that's just not faiiiir, man!

so hooray to disney.  i'm just a happy ending kind of a person.

hay.

what would i do to see you, smiling at me?

so zzzweet.


i heart sappy sad love songs.
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Subject:my song for the world....
Time:01:34 am
read.  please read.

LITTLE BOXES

Words and music by Malvina Reynolds


Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky tacky

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes all the same.

There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All went to the university
Where they were all put in boxes
And they came out all the same
And there's doctors and lawyers
And business executives
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school,
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business
And marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same,


There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.



Also the obb song of Weeds.
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Time:10:22 pm
"This is potentially the best team I've ever been on,'' he said, "but potential is fool's gold.''  
- - Steve Nash on the Phoeinix Suns'  run to the championships

ay. :)  fool's gold. :)


Ok, seriously? 

SERIOUSLY?????

Steve Nash should be MVP this year.

I don't care if Michael Jordan or Magic Johnson never got their  three peats  (For this seems to be the argument.).  Those were probably mistakes, too.  Sino ba nag-end ng kay MJ, si Karl Malone??  geez.  What is it with the NBA being so hesitant in giving MVP three peats kahit na obvious naman?

Ok, I see where Dirk is coming from, I do, but come on?!?!!......  HE GOT BUTTERFLITTIES IN HIS TUMMY!!  And you can not EVER have those when you're THE mvp.

Did you ever see MJ miss crucial free throws when the game was on the line???  i don't think so.

That's why the Mavs didn't win the championship last year, and that's why Steve Nash is definitely THE MVP this year if only to be pitted against his bff Dirk.

career highs on points, assists, field goal %age and 3pt %age;  a clutch shooter AND passer; truly the SUNS'  all around team leader on and off  the court; and let us not forget the x-factor of an mvp = HE'S EXCITING!!!! 

Dirk puts me to sleep!

Go Steeeevie boy wonder!!!!!!!!!  ;)


Wala lang.  I just thought that STEEEEEEVE NAAAAAASH deserves an entry in my journal.



i heart steve nash.





though i have a strong feeling the nba will give it to dirk.  pweh.
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Subject:sorry, THIS is more stupid :-)
Time:06:38 pm

Dapat ito pala yung picture na nilagay ko nung last time, para lahat tayo naka shades......


TAKE 2

................................

......................

............

.......

..

.




stupid.
i swear. 


Sorry.  K, wala lang.  i was supposed to be busy enrolling today.   since that didn't push trhough....

Have a nice day.


OH! One last thing.... I thought lang na maybe you'd want to practice this pose for your next pictorial..

It's Mischa for Keds.

....the pout...

...the chin carefully tilted and tucked in...

...the dangling right arm raised lightly higher than the left...

...the bent right knee for more suspension...


  

It's a Peep'r pose.

...or more like "Dawn of the Dead" pose.


Nice day, nice day...
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Subject:importante dahil ngayon 'to. ikaw, ako... kasalukuyan tayo.
Time:03:49 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] pensive

I've been quite introspective lately (since chely's been away).  And I've been asking myself the past week (thru my imaginary friend/s) "what defines me?"  sa Daku pa, i've been trying to answer..  It's so hard!  I come up with so much.  I can't be defined by a sentence.  I'm an essay.

But yesterday I generalized it - - - 

we are defined by our passions, our dreams, and the good deeds we do along the way.

I think it really boils down to that e.  Whatever you do, whatever you become, whoever you are, whatever race you belong to,   whatever country you're from, whatever your religion is, no matter how cute you are...  if you live with no passion, if you don't go for your dreams or don't even have any, and if you don't do your little acts of kindness... then you are nothing.

You're an empty person.

Like, for me, if you got rich and successful by not living your passion and dreams.... i give more respect to the poorer dude who rocks his ass off to the beat of his heart.   AS IN. 

Kawawa naman if you're defined by money.  Or by someone elses dreams and passions.

Kawawa ka naman if you don't have your own dreams!

NO, not kawawa... SAYANG.

i guess that's why rockstars and athletes are so looked upon and they all have their posses and groupies and all that.  cos they live with so much passion e.  And nothing else matters.


And so...... what are your passions?

What are your dreams??

Have you been kind and been good lately?

my passions are - - sticking to my ideals.  being under the sun.  wanting to help the world, the environment, nature.  loving animals.  keeping my surroundings clean.  being idealistic. 

my dreams are - - wanting to be rich by helping the environment.  to work and live by being interactive with the world and its issues; by being interactive with anything nature.  and to be able to inspire someone to do good to the world.  i also want to be fit as hell.

my good deeds - - well, let them be as unanimous as they should be.  as long as i know that i'm dreaming and planning to do good for the world, and that i stick by my ideals and morals, i know i'm on the right track with my trying to be and do good each and every day.

So I say...

DREAM.  AND LIVE TO ACHIEVE THAT DREAM, AND DO IT WITH PASSION.

For poor are those who have none of either.


Because it is our dreams that push us to and beyond our limits.  And it is our passion that makes us realize that there truly is none.


Yes..  The limit does not exist.


For with dreams, come hope, and with hope, comes everlasting.  With dreams, you are untouchable!  And we become all equals.


So if i could teach the world one thing... it is to dream.  And dream big
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Time:12:05 am
off to siargao in 10 hours.

i need this.



i'm feeling all weird.  maybe it's just my period tugging my emotions left and right, in and out, over, under and through.  just weird. 

eveything's not stable.



i feel like i can't make a fist.  or that a fist is not enough to satisfy the squeeze.  the squeeze like an itch that you can't seem to scratch at the perfect spot.



what are you doing, deng?!???!!  you're dreaming again.


laugh!!  sun shine on your skin, buuuuuuurnnnn.  feel it sizzle.

i want to feel it sizzle.
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Time:06:15 pm
I don't usually listen to the radio anymore unless I'm driving.  So to have heard a "new" song randomly that I liked immediately was a great sweet  break to the silence of driving alone.

please play the vid at the bottom...  (you don't actually have to watch the video, just listen to the song.)


 If not, just read the lyrics.  A bit repetitive, but it's cute. :)  it's a cute, a bit stupid, but light song.  you'll like it. :)


Here (In Your Arms)
by hellogoodbye


I like,
Where we are,
When we drive,
In your car.
I like,
Where we are,
Here.

Cause our lips,
Can touch.
And our cheeks,
Can brush.
Our lips can touch,
Here.

 Where you are the one, the one,
That lies close to me.
Whispers, "Hello,
I miss you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love,
With you suddenly.
Now there's no place else,
I could be, but,
Here in your arms.

I like,
Where you sleep,
When you sleep,
Next to me.
I like,
Where you sleep,
Here.

Our lips,
Can touch.
And our cheeks,
Can brush.
Cause our lips can touch,
Here.

Where you are the one, the one,
That lies close to me.
Whispers, "Hello,
I miss you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love,
With you suddenly.
Now there's no place else,
I could be, but,
Here in your arms.

Our lips can touch.
Our lips can touch,
Here.

You are the one, the one,
That lies close to me.
Whispers, "Hello,
I miss you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love,
With you suddenly.
Now there's no place else,
I could be, but,
Here in your...

You are the one, the one,
That lies close to me.
Whispers, "Hello,
I miss you quite, miss you quite..."
I fell in love, in love,
With you suddenly.
Now theres no place else,
I could be, but,
Here in your arms.

Here in your arms.
Oh, here in your... arms.


Cute. :)

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Subject: This post is for Chely...
Time:05:55 pm
Current Mood:[mood icon] bored and crazy

For Chely...  cos you might have forgotten me, Chits, Ate, Tibuy, Dad, and my craziness already....

(here we go....)


    Hi!!!!!:)  I want you to meet WorldPerx! :)


               
CHIIIIIIIITS!!!!!!!!!!!! Chits being serviced in Petron.  Chittongks!!  And this is me under Chits! with Manong Tirso at the back.



   
Ate's graduation. that's her receiving her award.. this is her giving her gratitude speech...and this is an impostor!! lost & hungry.



Ayun pa lang naman ang mga nangyayari so far dito sa bahay at sa buhay ko na na-picturan ko habang wala ka.



hmmmmmmm... pero para masaya....


LET US IMAGINE....


WHAT IF I WENT WITH YOU TO THE UK....

ANO KAYA ICHURA KO DUN???
(imagine ka ha.)

(Ano,Goring Bridge ba??)
           **Syiiiiieettt, ang lamiiiiiiiiiig!!!!!!!!!**  hihihihihi!!!



WAIT!...

there's more...

.................
....................
...........
.......
...
.


Meet Chely, her work partner Dora/Laura (hi!!),       
                                         AND.....
   
...the impostor. ;p 
                                                                 lost & freezing.




PUCHAAAAA, SINONG BORED SA BAHAY?!?!?!?!!!  SINO?!?!?!?!!!!




This post is for you, Peeps. :)  I hope it made you laugh. :D








still same old me....
     .....missing you.



Love,
deng
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Time:11:47 am
Current Mood:[mood icon] whatever..
fine.















i can do this.
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[icon] deng, bakit?
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:User Info.
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